Historical Celebrity Knife Fights

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed that I finally started watching Pillars of the Earth a while back. The casting choices on the show inspired me to wonder, between the three, who would win in a knife fight between Athos (Matthew McFadyen), Al Swearengen (Ian McShane), and Vincent Van Gogh (Tony Curran). In case you missed it, the summary is as follows:

  • Athos: He’s cursed with horrendously bad luck, and he gets others to do the really dirty work for him anyway. Verdict: no.
  • Al Swearengen: He’s ruthless enough, and he’s gutted plenty in his time. Lately, though, he’s sent his goons to do most of his killing for him, so he’s gotten soft. Verdict: maybe.
  • Vincent Van Gogh: Well we know he’s good with a knife (as evidenced by HIS OWN EAR*). Plus, he has one advantage over the other two: he’s completely off his nut and not afraid of anything. Verdict: WIN.

But I didn’t get very far into the first episode of Pillars of the Earth before I had to stop it. Picked it up again this week to discover, lo and behold, it also features Kim Pine (Allison Pill).

New verdict. On a particularly bad day, Kim Pine could take out all of them in one spin. FA-TALITY.

The end.

* To be fair, there’s doubt whether or not this incident happened quite the way we’ve been taught, but for our purposes, let’s go with, “He cut off his own ear.”


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